A little confused

Words can't even describe how I feel right now. I'm not sad and I'm def not happy. I just am. I'm not afraid but I'm not "ok". I don't know how to feel. It's the end of the year and Christmas is coming up and I have to get my emotions under control. It's not fair. My friend just got engaged, my brother got an awesome job, my other friends got awesome grades this semester (mine were good too, just not as good as theirs), my dad had an awesome weight loss transformation. And what do I have to show for the end of the year? Not much. I have "good" things, but nothing "great". Other than the fact that I started school. I just want to be happy with my boyfriend. I want to be able to talk to him and laugh and joke. Tell him that I miss him and hear him tell me he misses me, too. I want to be held by him and hear him tell me he loves me. I want to play video games with him. I don't have to get engaged, I just want to be with my boyfriend and I feel like I can't even do that now and it's about to get worse. Why can't I just wake up and all this be a dream?